He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
