If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
