needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
