operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
