I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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