I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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