Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
