Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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