Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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