how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize