Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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