so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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