two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
