i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
