I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
