Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
