I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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