There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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