I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
