He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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