We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize