She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
