you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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