you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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