if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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