Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish my penis had an off switch
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
