I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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