somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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