If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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