I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
