You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
