I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
