I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
