i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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