if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
