Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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