I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
