dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
