Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Its about making memories worth repressing
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
