Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
