So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
