I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
