I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
