You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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