Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
