I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
