i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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