I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize