It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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