i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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