Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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