everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
