drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize