R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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