Have you finally orgasmed yet?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
