A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize