She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
