i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
sex in a hospital.. check
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
