my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
