I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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