I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
