Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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