If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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