did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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