I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
