I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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