There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You dont lie about slip and slides
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
