if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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